Pipe-dream or Destiny?

Have you ever had something special in your life that makes you different, extraordinary, unique? I do, it's dance. When I close my eyes, i see me, dancing pro. When I listen to music, I unconsciously map out a dance routine to match in my head. When I dance, it is like nothing I have ever felt before. Without it, nothing is right, my life becomes empty, I lose purpose, I lose direction.

Dancing has always been my first love, I danced even before I knew how to write my own name. Dance was how I identified with myself, it was how I expressed myself. It was everything I have ever wanted and more. It was my pillar, my sanctuary.No matter how chaotic life became I could always dance and everything will be alright. Dancing was like oxygen to my soul. I would always have blisters on my toes and aches all over my body, but it was what I anticipated. Another chance to dance again after each and every class.

When I turned 13, I started having weight issues. I thought I would go away, but it didn't and it stuck all the way through high school til now. My dreams of dancing began to seem like a laugh to anyone I confided in. Soon it started to gnaw at my confidence. Will I ever become a pro looking like I just ate a cow?

Sure these days people say being curvy don't matter. You just gotta be fierce and proud. But it isn't the same with dance. To dance pro you need to be fit and slim. You need to be a certain weight so you don't hurt yourself when you dance and especially so if you're dancing pas de deux. The most embarrassing thing that could happen is if your partner can't support you because you are too fat.

But it is still what I want even after all these years. I am good at it. I know it. I've been messing around taking some classes again just to feel what it's like, although it is not ballet, I'm experimenting with tango, waltz, jive and cha cha cha and now I realize, maybe this is the solution to the emptiness in my life. This is me, a dancer, no matter how much I weigh.So is it a pipe-dream or destiny? I'm DETERMINED to lose weight. To get fit. I'll dance my way back by force if I have to. I want it to come true...