Eclipse

You sat in front of me
A hair's breath away
So close I can see the veins at the back of your hands
The rise and fall of your back in perfect rhythm

You stretch
Slow and graceful like a lithe dancer
So suddenly it seems the air in this room is not enough
My chest constricts
Your beauty so amazing
It's not fair..

Seems God has really outdone himself when he created you
You, his David

You turn
Eyes so crimson brown, you pass a nonchalant glance my way
Seems to me time stopped

Chrome
You're drawing me...
Feel myself falling beyond return
You're eclipsing my heart

Stand, Fight Against AIDS/HIV

YAY! Awesome job guys!!!!

I'm so proud of this event. It's my first in 2 years. A comeback for me into the performing scene. And for a good cause too. A cause I truly believe in and will fight for forever. Fight AIDS and not its victims.

Yesterday was the big finale and it was beautiful. The whole atmosphere, candles, red and white ribbons draped across ceilings and walls, elegantly dressed people, melodious performances by the band and singers, articulate MCs, all in all, artistic and sophisticated in taste. I floundered a little in my first poem AIDS, oh AIDS, but did a lot better in the second one during the drama take; "Arguments of Silence". Thought I might have a heart attack while waiting for my turn, but when the MC announced my name, the lights came on and the music played, as I stepped on stage, all my worries melted away. It was like I was home, at last. My heart rate steadied, adrenaline coursed through my veins and I couldn't help but feel awesome.

THIS was where I grew up. On stage. I found me in the eyes of the public as I stood defending my stand in my debate competition in form two. Before that, I was just dipping my toes testing the waters but that debate confirmed my wonderment.

So here is to everyone who worked and contributed in one way or another to make this event a success. A personal success for me.

"A toast to hardwork, friends and newfound ones, great artistry, vision, and a giant step for the fight against AIDS and HIV. CHEERS!!!!"

circuits, voltages, fourier series and other dilemas normal girls don't encounter....

STUPID EXAM!!!!

After studying so hard, revising the damn shtt over and over again....my happily ever after is flying away. No am not talking about future husbands or break ups people, my happiness rely on yep, that A in my academic transcript for this mf subject. And do you know where is my A? Yep countless repetitive constructive hours of studying and my A, that bloody A is flah-flying!!!!

How is that in any way fair? Engineering is not for the faint hearted. It is for idiots who have nothing else better to do, idiots like me, who slave away at equations and derivations and theorems and diagrams after diagrams.... and for what? Yep for you to be the next Edison. Because in the world of super geeks, nerds and scientists,there is no such thing as failure, "there's just 10000 ways that don't work." HAH! The harder you work the greater your grief when that stupid A eludes you. So I'll have to wait anoth 9999 of don't-work-ways til I get my A?

Yeah I'm a perfectionist, failing is not an option, average is non-commitment sentensable by death. So? I dare anyone to say anth about it.Think engineering robotics is just a cruise, I dare you, try it. You'll never see what I mean til you do.f@%^ it!!!!!!!! Why the hell do I put myself through all this again and again?

HOTTIE!!!!!

Who do I think is the hot hot hottest guy on the planet right now?
Drum roll please.......

Gossip Girl's Chuck Bass!!!!!!

Smoldering eyes, super good looks, an absolutely wicked smile, and a sexy drawl not to mention he literally prowls too. Giggles!! I love it when he purses his lips... (momentarily transported to dreamland)

(Sigh)... can you hear the bells?

Boiling point? When he is jealous...absolutely knee weakening!

It's my BDAY!!!!!!!!!

Log: It is 19 September 2008. 1.03am.

I am restless and jumping around.

WHEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
It's my BDAY!
Gotta partay coz it's my BDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

Ottay ottay gtg coz I'm gonna go continue jumping around.LOL!!!!

Early Bday Surprise

Just had my first 22nd Bday celebration, by the pool. It was PERFECT! It was small n closed just the way I like it. Memorable and sweet. Definitely memorable, coz I got pushed in the pool fully dressed. We all ended up
in the pool anyways. Ottay, except Elle, she can't swim
and we don't have a lifeguard on duty. LOL. I know, coz I checked. Damn!

I got the prettiest teal maxi dress from Dawn and Jas. It's gorgeous, I swear. And it fits!Yay! I was so worried it wouldn't.LOL. They wouldn't tell me where they bought it from though.

The menu:

1. 5 slices of Secret Recipe: Choc Cheese, Blueberry choc, Strawberry choc, choc mud cake and coffee cheese.
2. Tuna and cheese sandwiches, and special 'no name' concoction: Compliments of our chef for the evening, Jas.

The rest? Cake war! LOL. Soaked, smelly, sticky, and giggling...post mortem result? Absolutely chaotically awesome!Thanks girls for everything.

Perfect Innocense

Infront of you , pure, wide-eyed, innocent,
tainted only by accents from my past, I am but a victim,
these I am not to blame,
I, a tortured soul with an accursed life.

Being surrounded by you, your attention fills my void,
Yes! Adore me! Believe ME!
I am kind, smart, I care, I don't judge,
I speak only the truth, but the truth in slivers of gray,
you need only know my twilight.

I, your friend, your companion,
You spill the contents of your hearts and minds to me,
Brandishing anger, a projection towards another,
A product of your envy,
Sorrow, you think he likes someone else,
But a mistake,
Oops! You forgot to mention, it's suppose to be a secret.

You blush and your heart skips a beat when you're with me,
Owh, how sweet...
Little moments of confessions, adrenaline rush and then proposal,
You think I'm perfect,
Can I be your queen?
I smile, giggle, loop my arm around yours,
The next few days, a blur,
You're in high heaven, happy, content,
Climbing the winds to cloud nine,
A smirk, who do you think you are?
You'll never be good enough for me,
Your imperfect, scarred...
"Sorry dear, I don't think we're compatible"
Our ideals don't match, (Mainly coz it's not mine),
You see hun, I don't compromise....
Sorry for the heartache,
I didn't mean to lead you on,
Yea rite, not at all
That was fun.

Dearie, why are you getting close to him?
Why does he have your attention?
No, this won't do,
I won't let it.
He is mine.

Black, white, what does it matter?
You'll never know...
For to you, I am but a child...

by moi,
inspired.....

SHOUTOUT to ISABELLA!!!!

To my second sis who just turned 17 on 15/09/2008,

Your spesh
Your nice
No need to tell you twice

Holla Girl!

Happy 17th Bday!

This year is your big SPM year. So this year I wish you perfect straight A results, a scholarship and an offer to a university of your dreams. See ya abroad next year. I'll drop by for a visit with nia when I do my masters.Hehehe.To da best girl fren a sis could ever have, may all your wishes come true this year!

XOXO Ta Chea

On being TOO loud

What is it about guys that they like loud annoying little bitchy girls? There is such a thing as speaking your mind, but there is also such a thing as talking TOO much. Especially if it's talking just for the sake of talking. Talking when it is not called for. There is no intelligence in what they have to say. They are just seeking attention.

Sometimes for me at least, there is a much stronger beauty in being silent. Haven't you people heard of "a commanding presence"?You don't need a loud mouth for that. Just cause you are not saying anything doesn't mean that you are mute.

Open your mouth when your opinions are appreciated, otherwise you are just noise, seriously. I can't take a person seriously if their mouth is running the speed of light 24/7. Blabbering none stop. There is a quot:

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people."

- Admiral Hyman G. Rickove-
1900 — 1986

Again, what are you talking about? Have you allowed some time for the thought to pass your brain before you shoot them out?Please girls, use your minds, don't run your mouth. It's exhausting to have to listen to all the little puny nonsense you're excited about when there are bigger things to worry about, like climate change, poverty, hunger, extinction etc.

"I think, therefore I am."

CERN partical collider: The LHC

CERNs web site states that we have not been destroyed by effects of cosmic rays and micro black holes will evaporate.

However, cosmic rays travel too fast to be captured by Earths gravity, while collider particles smash head on like car collisions and can be captured by Earths gravity. Einsteins highly successful relativity theory predicts that micro black holes will not decay but instead only grow, and Hawking Radiation is an unproven and disputed theory that contradicts relativity.

There is currently no reasonable proof of LHC safety, LSAG (LHC Safety Assessment Group) has been trying for months to prove safety without success. However science may still be a few years away from being able to prove safety or not. Professor Dr. Otto E. Roessler has given interviews and lectures in Europe warning of a very real danger to the planet from the Large Hadron Collider. If this experiment is so safe, why arent CERN scientists allowed to express any personal fears they might have about this Collider?

Alleged in the legal action: Chief Scientific Officer, Mr. Engelen passed an internal memorandum to workers at CERN, asking them, regardless of personal opinion, to affirm in all interviews that there were no risks involved in the experiments, changing the previous assertion of minimal risk. (Statisticians generally consider minimal risk as 1-10%). Which would more wise, conduct a full and independent adversarial safety study first, or just turn it on now and see what happens?

To Live bien dans sa peau.

As y'all know, I'm currently trying to lose weight but I'm tired of yo yo-dieting. It doesn't help when your dieting backfires; shedding off some pounds drastically in the beginning then suddenly you hit a wall. After that everything is downhill from there. You start gaining back those pounds faster than you can say wtf! Even worse is when you gain back twice more than when you lose. It's painful and psychologically damaging. But I've been on a new non-diet for quite some time now. It's actually more a lifestyle change than dieting and so far it's working wonders for me. Have you ever heard of Mireille Guiliano? Well she is the genius who wrote the bestselling book "French Women Don't Get Fat" and it's her clever ideals that I have incorporated into my everyday lifestyle when it comes to food and its indulgence (except the wine tasting part, I don't drink).

French women don't get fat, but they do eat bread and pastry, drink wine, and regularly enjoy three-course meals. In her delightful tale, Mireille Guiliano unlocks the simple secrets of this "French paradox" -– how to enjoy food and stay slim and healthy. Hers is a charming, sensible, and powerfully life-affirming view of health and eating for our times.

As a typically slender French girl, Mireille went to America as an exchange student and came back fat. That shock sent her into an adolescent tailspin, until her kindly family physician, "Dr. Miracle," came to the rescue. Reintroducing her to classic principles of French gastronomy plus time-honored secrets of the local women, he helped her restore her shape and gave her a whole new understanding of food, drink, and life. The key? Not guilt or deprivation but learning to get the most from the things you most enjoy. Following her own version of this traditional wisdom, she has ever since relished a life of indulgence without bulge, satisfying yen without yo-yo on three meals a day.

There's a lot to like in her philosophy, which includes a very passionately argued chapter about the folly of eschewing bread and chocolate, and why Hershey's n'est pas la meme chose as Godiva.I've learned so much from this book and benefited as much as losing 8 kgs within 1 month and 2 weeks. I've learnt to forget low carbs and to my own surprise start to love the tartness of yogurt when I've always considered myself so-called "lactose intolerant". These days I savour and enjoy the pleasures of preparing and eating food. And I've ignored high- protein. It's too du jour. So unfrench.I particularly enamored a phrase: Je de prime donc je chocolate. When I'm down, I chocolate.This book is all about emphasizing on balance, variety,freshness and how to joie de vivre the French women way.

So far because of this God sent new book, I am glad to report that I am on my way and a step closer towards my dream of pro-dancing.

Ms. Virgo

There’s something delightfully feminine about Miss Virgo even when she’s wearing tomboy clothes and having a bad hair day. Slim, pretty with natural grace and big, wide open eyes Miss Virgo was born under the sign of the celestial maiden so she just can‘t help being gorgeous. LOL.

Even Mr Virgo benefits from the same clear gaze and handsome looks. But don’t be fooled by the attractive packaging and innocent expression. These tempting types are in no way dumb.

Virgo is an earth sign ruled by quicksilver Mercury. This endows them with a lightning brain, brilliant sense of humour and articulate tongue, coupled with down to earth common sense. It’s a devastating combination. Shrewd could be Virgo’s middle name.

Where air sign Gemini, which shares the same ruling planet, gets carried away by Mercury- inspired flights of fancy, Virgo is more discriminating and instantly sees what’s do-able and what’s an impractical pipe dream.

The Virgo character is precise, refined, and a lover of cleanliness, hygiene and order. Conventional, with a rather reserved manner.They are usually observant, shrewd, critical, and patient. Virgos are undemonstrative due to a coolness in their nature. Very selective in friendship, they prefer to keep relationships on a superficial basis.

Modest, discriminating, thoughtful- everything you do you do well, giving great attention to detail, but you can carry this to extremes, becoming fussy, overly critical and even interfering. You worry a lot, but are not easily discouraged. Once you overcome a sense of modesty, you are very articulate and express your ideas well. You enjoy routine, are service-oriented and very responsible. You are thoughtful and fond of learning, and you rarely look your age.

The most often heard compliment paid a Virgo is "My how young you look for your age". You are very diet conscious and probably preach the virtues of healthful ways.

You are easily imposed upon, and when this happens you feel a deep resentment. You love your home, and you always need a home base to retreat to, yet you often travel and make changes in your life. Your domestic, nurturing nature likes to take care of others, and you are very understanding of their feelings.

The Moon in Cancer is thrifty, economical and careful with property and money. You don't like to see these misused or wasted. Artistic, creative and dramatic, you have a natural flair for music, poetry, dance and acting. Your love of home and family can also express itself in true patriotism.

Harmony, marriage and all social relationships are extremely important. You enjoy companionship and like to please others. Quite fair in your judgments, you have high standards of social behavior. You love beauty, luxury and intellectual stimulation, and you entertain well. Discord and loud noises annoys you, since your sense of hearing is well developed. Although you are not money-oriented, you appreciate what money can buy. Your talents are many, but music, public performance, painting and sculpture are particularly suited to your temperament. You are attractive to and attracted by the opposite sex; in fact you are in love with love. You can easily be hurt, but you rarely carry a grudge. Gracious and appreciative, you are eternally young at heart.

Virgo in Love

Virgo is built for love and devotion but this is a sign that demands high standards and doesn’t understand the meaning of the word compromise. People born under this sign would rather be single than tied to the wrong partner and for this reason they’re very cautious about committing themselves. And don’t even think about telling lies to a Virgo - they have powers of deduction and observation to rival those of Sherlock Holmes and they can cut through a false story like a human chain saw.

Get it right and Virgo will adore you forever. Get it wrong and you’ll be sent packing with a pithy insult in your ear.

Pipe-dream or Destiny?

Have you ever had something special in your life that makes you different, extraordinary, unique? I do, it's dance. When I close my eyes, i see me, dancing pro. When I listen to music, I unconsciously map out a dance routine to match in my head. When I dance, it is like nothing I have ever felt before. Without it, nothing is right, my life becomes empty, I lose purpose, I lose direction.

Dancing has always been my first love, I danced even before I knew how to write my own name. Dance was how I identified with myself, it was how I expressed myself. It was everything I have ever wanted and more. It was my pillar, my sanctuary.No matter how chaotic life became I could always dance and everything will be alright. Dancing was like oxygen to my soul. I would always have blisters on my toes and aches all over my body, but it was what I anticipated. Another chance to dance again after each and every class.

When I turned 13, I started having weight issues. I thought I would go away, but it didn't and it stuck all the way through high school til now. My dreams of dancing began to seem like a laugh to anyone I confided in. Soon it started to gnaw at my confidence. Will I ever become a pro looking like I just ate a cow?

Sure these days people say being curvy don't matter. You just gotta be fierce and proud. But it isn't the same with dance. To dance pro you need to be fit and slim. You need to be a certain weight so you don't hurt yourself when you dance and especially so if you're dancing pas de deux. The most embarrassing thing that could happen is if your partner can't support you because you are too fat.

But it is still what I want even after all these years. I am good at it. I know it. I've been messing around taking some classes again just to feel what it's like, although it is not ballet, I'm experimenting with tango, waltz, jive and cha cha cha and now I realize, maybe this is the solution to the emptiness in my life. This is me, a dancer, no matter how much I weigh.So is it a pipe-dream or destiny? I'm DETERMINED to lose weight. To get fit. I'll dance my way back by force if I have to. I want it to come true...

Meeting The Dodo Bird

So there I was at a very run down restaurant near my Uni campus for a last minute dinner. I was angry, annoyed and in quite a huff by then because I've been waiting for two hours for a very miserable little order of "tomyam campur "( extra extra spicy) and rice.

After hailing to the most probably, partially deaf "garcon" for the third time without success, I've decided to settle for a long face and dark clouds hanging above my head.

It's at times like those that a girl really wish for a car and a credit card. Apparently silent insults and curses don't do much damage at times like these. Trust me, I could have just left but when you live in Malacca, it's not like you have much of a choice. It's either you put up with bad hygiene ( rats, roaches, cats sharing the same dinner area) and horrible food or you starve. I chose the latter.

When the food finally actually arrived, I noticed they've sent me the wrong order, but what the heck I was too hungry and miserable to argue. Half-way through my course, someone, a perfect stranger sitting at a table across the street caught my eyes. This person, who was a very tall and tanned fellow, was actually choking with tears streaming
down his face with every spoonful.
How funny the sight ! This big tall man of a guy suffering from our " little devils". I laughed and laughed and had my eyes glued on him that night anticipating his every move.

Little did I know that Fate was at work that night, for that turned out to be the first time I met my Mr. S ( aka Dodo Bird as more fondly nicked by my sisters). He had received my order of extra extra spicy "Tomyam Campur" and I had received his tasteless less spicy order of "Tomyam Bihun" by mistake. If he hadn't choked on my Tomyam, I wouldn't have noticed him, and he wouldn't have noticed me laughing at him and asked his bestfriend sitting with him to ask my roomie to introduce me. LOL. To be the actors in God's theatre. Bet the whole of heaven was looking down at us that night. I could only imagine angels and cupids with popcorn and coke.

“Do you believe in love at first sight, or do I have to walk past you again?”

The Tango

"El Tango es un pensamiento triste que hasta se puede bailar"
The Tango is a sad thought that you can dance.

-(Enrique Santos Discépolo)-

The dance of love.
In the tango, the partners are hardly ever apart. Their steps portray passion and fire. It's a dance that says I love you but I can't stand you. LOL. It is an actor's dance. Perfect for the drama queen. But is also well know by the goth and emos.

It is known to be passionate and very sensual.
Tango was all the rage in the 1930's in Buenos Aries and Paris. Both music and dance were born in the streets and brothels of Buenos Aires, the capital of Argentina just before the beginning of the 1880s century. The word' Tango" refers to both a musical style and the dance performed to it. Tango dancing lost some of its prestige in Argentina after the Great Depression in 1929, but re surged in popularity after Juan Peron came to power. It became a matter of national pride to be able to tango. After numerous dictator governments in Argentina again repressed the dance, it came back to life in the 1980s after the premiere of the Broadway musical Forever Tango.
In modern Argentina, tango is associated mostly with a style of music; the rest of the world sees tango as a dramatic, and sexy dance.

Tango is not only a dance but also an obsession. For the tanguero, it is as much a part of life as eating and sleeping. Erotic and passionate, haunting and melancholic, it involves not only the body but also the soul.

Tango has captured the popular imagination for over one hundred years to become at the end of the twentieth century, no less than an international cult.

Learning to T.A.N.G.O. is more than something for you to show-off at the club. It is art.The human feelings have never been so accurately depicted then during the Tango.

“El Tango es la directa expresión de lo que comúnmente los poetas han tratado de definir en palabras como: la creencia de que la lucha puede ser un festejo”

"The tango is a direct expression of something that poets have often tried to state in words: the belief that a fight may be a celebration. "

-Jorge Luis Borges-

Society trash

Haven't you ever felt like you don't fit in? Like the place you've called homeland for as long as you can remember feels so foreign to you...Sad, a stranger in my own country.The people, sometimes the way they talk, the way they think, the way they do things just makes you go OMG! And not in a good way. Like for instance, why the hell are there so many 'rempits' in this country when we have schools, education, police? What makes the youth of my country idiots who zooms around in their stupid pathetic lil bikes like they have nothing else better to do in their lives? Owh and not to mention doing all that while wearing ugly skinny jeans. Why aren't they behind bars rotting away in a prison somewhere? They are just trash in our society anyways. They don't contribute at all.Did you know that 'rempit chicks' are shared between the guys? Ewwwwwww GROSS!!!! And they have the audacity to call them selves Malaysians. It's like having mud shoveled to our faces. They are a disease to our society and the faster we get rid of this trend the better for our younger generation and for our society's image as a whole.

LOL. I feel sorry for myself to be in anyway even remotely, distantly, connected to these people. It is in no way cool to behave like yahooligans tearing up the street, disrupting the peace in a neighbourhood. Cool is when a person is cultured, cool is when the person is polished, with emmaculate manners. Cool is when the person don't stink from bad BO, isn't annoyingly loud, don't spit just anywhere (we have dogs and camels in the zoos to do that) - it's seriously disgusting, don't wolf whistle at girls or stare down a girl's cleavage no matter how low the cut, don't smoke because frankly yellow teeth and bad breath is sooooooooo NOT in!

That said, for as a fellow youth in this country, I am deeply embarrased.