Time

They say the tides of time can change everything. It can flood over and stimulate growth, healthy growth of respect, mutual understanding, maturity and most of all remind you of why you loved in the first place. It can also go warily wrong. Damage already rusted pillars of trust, corrode in corners with envy, fill hearts with impatience. Potent enemies like 3rd parties seek this time to take over, when your at your weakest, most vulnerable. 

I'm a woman, it is in my instinct to take care of the ones I love, to nurture the relationship with too much love, too much care, I'll spoil you rotten, just for the pleasure of seeing you smile. Your smile lights up my day. I constantly worry, I'm not doing enough, I'm not partaking enough or sharing enough, I'm scared because I know, I'm human and I can be selfish sometimes. And then I worry, I so want to be perfect, to do everything right for us.

As I sit silently and watched you today, I was sick, very sick and very scared and it registered to me that I'm not the one you're caring about at the moment. Your mind is somewhere else, somewhere worrying about her. Where do I stand in all this? Do I matter? I asked you and your answer is I've got a headache and I don't want to talk, all I want is to switch off my phone and be alone. Is that you talking me? The one who I patiently loved, and cared and put you before everyone and everything else. I have loved you selflessly all this while, I backed down for every single argument because I can't stand hurting you, I convinced myself that you love me but perhaps you don't know how to show it. But now as I lay here pondering with tears running down my face, what if you're my everything but I'm nothing to you...

"The great tragedy of life is not that men perish, but that they cease to love."